Sunday, August 14, 2011


She was a bit fuzzy all day, presumably an after effect of the radiation. She also had difficulty speaking, and although it got a bit better throughout the day, she still had to slow down and enunciate clearly and formulate her thoughts before talking. So the radiologist wasn't quite right when she said, no side effects from the Gamma knife brain radiation treatment....

She had a leisurely morning and then we went to Greenlake and she was able to walk all around it. We had a nice lunch and then came home and had a quiet afternoon and evening.

She still has pain in her tailbone area from the tumor; at this point Advil seems to do the trick to alleviate the pain. But I think she also senses there is more.

She was pretty distraught after we went to bed. The enormity of the challenge, the onslaught of symptoms and tumors and the speed with which they seem to be developing - all lead her to a conclusion of inevitability. She also feels herself drifting away - part of this is stroke related cognitive effects, part of it is medication, and part the side effects of the latest brain radiation - but she knows she isn't as sharp as she once was and can't think as well, and sees the physical changes. So in between all the sobbing  - she kept saying "I don't want to leave you" (to which I responded, "you will never leave me") and, "I'm sorry I'm causing this problem" (to which I responded. "you are not responsible, this is something happening to you, and we are all sharing in the experience and it is making all of us better people"). So it was a pretty distressing and emotionally wracking evening.

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