Tuesday, August 23, 2011

A brief follow-up to the earlier post labeled "Time"

I don't want people to misconstrue the earlier post describing her changed capabilities. It was not meant to discourage people from contacting her. It was to describe what she is going through (cognitively, physically, and emotionally) and provide some explanation for why she might not be responding in her usual manner.  And to assure people that contact is welcome and received, even though it might not get responded to.

I made a point in that post about how important it was to her to manage her own schedule and communication. All the changes that have occurred have left her in a dependent state in many respects. This is not comfortable for her. She even hates that I have to drive her everywhere. She was proud of her identity and ability to be a smart, high functioning, independent person. So given the changes, while I can step in gently in certain matters - such as keeping her on track with medical appointments  - she has made it very clear to me that she wants to be in control of her schedule and communications - it is not something for me to take over  - I have neither the right nor the will. Because it allows her some measure of independence and freedom and control. That is very important to her when so much of her other aspects are out of her control - due to medication, radiation and the impacts on the brain, and the stroke effects. She has more than enough capability to decide how to fill her schedule, even though some of the details might be fuzzy. And even though the usual tools - email, phone, Facebook - take more time or don't get looked at for a while. She also realizes that she needs to create her own time to handle her emotional and physical responses to the events, and to engage in important activities in her studio - even at the cost of not being as responsive or seeing as many people as she would like as often as she would like - but it is a conscious choice.

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