Day T-1

On the one hand, I'd like to have many more of these "scanxiety" days. That would mean we'd get an all clear, or an all manageable tomorrow. On the other hand, it is totally a day of just being out of it. Meagan is practically in shock; just trying to hang in there, think about the positive and the good in this day, but not deny the possibility and willing herself to say, "I can do this". I suggested she watch one of her funny shows on DVD to take her mind off it, but she doesn't want to be distracted. She wants to feel it and try to cope. She's even reading a book called "Dying Well". I thought she was reading something else, not realizing she'd switched and made the mistake, not seeing the cover, of asking her if she was enjoying reading her book. Oops.

So a quiet evening. Pensive and sad and worried.