I hope this note finds you all well and settling into the restful days of summer. It is hard to believe that if I close my eyes, and concentrate just a little, I can almost feel that coming hint of fall in the early morning air. It certainly is not a "knock you out" obvious sort of reminder that autumn is around the corner but more a gentle reminder that, like the seasons, Time marches on. It's really a lovely thing.
Well, as most of you know, Nick and I met with our dear Kaplan today and found out the results of our latest brain scan. Though the brain tumors that were removed and zapped two months ago have disappeared others have since grown. They are small, yet do need to be dealt with so our next step is to meet again with Dr. Vermeulan and develop a plan which will likely include gamma knife radiation which will allow for a more controlled approach than the total whole brain radiation (though this could come next if the results are still less than what Kaplan feels is still worth trying). We will set up an app. with Vermeulan and come up with our plan and expect to have a treatment next week (thank god, for my wig "Audrey"). The treatment should be painless though leave me muddled again for a few days. Other than that, the side effects are not bad. We will cross our fingers that this treatment, with the chemo, has some impact. What we do know now is that we still continue to hope to buy time. It is a tough road however as each opportunity for the tumor to be blasted is met now with a corresponding tumor growth response multiple fold. Two months ago we were dealing with two brain tumors, though those are toast, now we are dealing with 5 more smaller ones. The hardest news to share is that, though nothing is cast in stone, is appearing like my quirky life expectancy has been adjusted to about 2 to 6 months. Please trust that I share this with you all not to drum up a whirlwind of sympathy or onslaught of busy bee activity, but rather I hope to just share with you the profoundness of this time and the gratitude I feel to be "awake" to my great good fortune at all. Granted, a lot of this just sucks! A lot of it is such a magnificent surprise! But I hope with practice and concentration and acceptance, I...we...will find a way to find the profound and quiet beauty in many of the shared moments to come. You have all made my life so much for lovely and worth living. You have all made me feel deeply cherished, incredibly loved, especially appreciated and sometimes even funny. ~smile~ Thank you for all of that.
As before, I will be keeping my correspondences primarily via email. It is easier to keep communiques sorted and I can manage them as i have time and not feel totally overwhelmed. I will try to answer all I can, as I can. I do promise to keep you all in my thoughts and send waves of love to everyone of you for your support over the months. My family could not have managed as well without your care and the amazing attention you have shown each other as well. I am so deeply grateful. And thank you too, to the most amazing husband/cabana boy and two incredible young men to call sons, a woman could ever ask for. xoxoxo Man, they have been on one heck of a journey 0f their own and they have risen to the surreal occasion with grace and courage. We are truly blessed.
So, onward...you will hear from me again. All our plans for the next few days have been canceled as we are rescheduling next week and the week after with Vermullen but rest assured we will slip a note in here and there.
Much, much love to you all,