Friday, August 5, 2011

Mind the Gap

The gap between women and men that is - you know, the "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" syndrome. Apparently I have been too much like Mars and not enough like Venus. So I've got to figure out how to help support Meagan using "tender, careful and encouraging" language. I totally get what she needs - that space to find some comfort and solace to be able to continue to LIVE while she is alive. It's just that as a guy, sometimes I can't even figure out the right words - it's like being in Germany and trying to speak German and all I know are three romance languages. So I am a work in progress...

This is an incredibly difficult time. I have four things going on at once:
1. trying to understand where she is in terms of disease progression, status, treatment options and impacts, and what that all means - and dealing with scan results that require immediate action. And helping others set expectations.
2. Trying to help support her in dealing with all of this. There is the feeling part and me learning to act and think and talk like a girl. And it is definitely challenged by her cognitive capabilities and recollections. Because if I try to correct her recall, it invalidates her feelings - and most of the time even though she might be off on the details, she's right broad brush and it is about her and her feelings.
3. Trying to help my boys deal with all this and explain it to them in guy talk because that is what they want and need.
4. Processing my own feelings and grief.

Did I say this was hard? It't not, it's super hard.

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