A little better

The tapering of the steroids and getting used to the anti-seizure medication seems to be helping modulate Meagan's emotions and strengthening her optimism. She is becoming less fuzzy, but at the same time more aware of her deficits. Yet each day she is working hard to "reboot" her mind. Doing email seems to be the best occupational therapy - it's slow going but it helps sharpen her mind. Her writing has improved and she is trying to manage her own schedule. She doesn't like the lack of independence and is always sorry for inconveniencing me when I need to transport her and sometimes wait until her appointment is over. But she is getting out, which I think is a good thing - she got her nails done the other day at a salon and I am taking her to the Southcenter area for lunch with a friend. I'll do find something to do while they meet.

What's not better is that she is losing hair on the back of her head (which was growing out) from the radiation therapy. She is not at all happy about that. It looks a little like a newborn with hair whose head gets rubbed from lying down in the back. Hopefully that is just temporary. The parts on her head where she has scars will never grow back, but as her hair gets long enough, those will be able to be covered up. She has one big old horseshoe shaped scar and one divot that seems to have come from some drilling they did on her skull. But in another couple months those won't be as obvious.

Separately, a dear friend made the comment yesterday about the life of a caregiver, which I think is pretty accurate, but I interpet it with a twist. She said, "it's a hard job, but not a thankless job". I know Meagan is very appreciative of my efforts on her behalf, from the emergency situations to the mundane. But for me it's not about getting thanks from her, or recognition of my role. It's really about being thankful for 23 years of life together and two kids and thankful for having her in my life. So each act of support is about me thanking her. I also wouldn't know any other way to handle it. It's not that I am unaware of alternative approaches others might choose. It's just that for me it's the only way I can approach it.