Sunday, October 16, 2011

"Promise you won't forget me"...

I was only walking to the store and back with our dog.

But her tearful question was clearly loaded with more meaning. Part of it was due to some upset at her part at not being able to shoulder any of the load of running the household. And wanting to find something she could do for me, but can't. A much larger part of it was wanting me to remember her as she used to be - the vibrant, capable, smart woman I married. Not the person she has become. Reliant on others, unable to contribute. And part I suppose is based on recognition of her mortality and being gone, and not wanting me to forget her generally. It was such a gut-wrenching question and I could see the fear and worry and insecurity written all over her face. It must be just so terrible to have your mind slowly robbed of its capability and to have various insults delivered to your body which reduces your capacity to function as you once did.  Then you add the worry that your life partner is getting used to doing everything on his own and it probably confirms that you are on a particular path.

Last night she made a comment to me about how she hoped she could be the partner I married. I tried to reassure her and told her that when I looked at her I was looking at 24 years of marriage and 24 years of memories and not the person she was at that instant. So not to worry about trying to be something today she is not - because I love her for all she is - which takes into account all the years.

1 comment:

  1. Nick,

    This is Bobbie's sister, Gloria. We met briefly when I was in Seattle this summer. I have been following your blog and have never let you in on that. Today I just needed to tell you that I admire the hell out of you and the relationship you and Meagan have. And that this post finally brought me to tears.

    Sending love from Kansas City...