Monday, October 10, 2011

"Don't you wish you were with someone else?"

This is the most recent question in a long line of questions (do you love me, do you still love me, do you still love me as much as you used to). It reflects increasing insecurity and unease with her mental and physical state (separate from the actual cancer). I don't think it's said with an eye to the future and after she is gone. It's a fear perhaps, that I will abandon her in her hours (weeks, months) of need.

Reassurance is the only answer. And when she hears it the tears come and the relief is palpable. As a caregiver there is so much attention paid to the logistics and medical issues that it is easy to forget what is the most powerful need. So I'm stepping up the dose of the reassurance medication.

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