I think it has lots of flavors, it's not just one thing. I would suppose for those who have to deal with the sudden and traumatic loss of a loved one, as in the September 11 tragedy, the grief is large, palpable and crushing.
In my situation, dealing with a long, drawn-out process and a downward spiral of insults which rob me of my beloved, grief has a different texture. It's more like Chinese water torture. You get some every day, some days more, some days less. But it's always there. Some days the knees buckle, others aren't as bad.
I'm not trying to compare these types of grief to say one is better or worse; they both are terrible, but different. My heart goes out to the families of the 9-11 tragedy. Their grief is likely rising again as the 10th anniversary approaches. It's a hard thing to cope with and there is no one way to deal with it. But I think acknowledging their grief and providing words offering love and care help.
I used to direct a summer camp for kids impacted by HIV/ AIDS -- this was in the early-mid'90's when AIDS was a different disease. A lot of the kids in my camp had parents with AIDS. Some of the parents succumbed to the disease quickly, while others were sick for years & years (while still others never really got sick and some of them are still around doing well). I remember having conversations and the kids would bring up topics like -- would it be easier if your parent died quickly or better if they were sick for so long. The kids never really came to a conclusion but it was always honestly just a privilege to be with these kids in these types of conversations.
ReplyDeleteHave you read David James Duncan, Nick? He is one of my favorites. In a fairly recent collection of essay's he had a line that went something like this ---- there is only one cure for grief, and it is a pill called grief. You have to take your medicine to get well. I have turned to that sentiment more than once since I've read it when grieving one thing or another.
thanks for the updates, Nick, I appreciate your voice.
much love, Sprout