After a pretty lengthy hiatus from writing, the fog of grief has lifted enough for me to start some new activities. One of my efforts is to write about grief, grief recovery, and life reborn. I'll be doing that at this site....
http://griefforguys.blogspot.com/

Meagan

   

The End. The Final Post.

It's a fitting day to conclude this blog, which chronicled our journey in 2011.

I do plan on writing a book, using a lot of the content from this blog. Look for it in 2012.

Thanks to all for the kind words, love, and support.

And most of all, thank you to Meagan, who was every bit as genuine, loving, warm, and supportive in private as she was in public. She was a wonderful wife, an amazing mother, a best friend, and as good a woman as you'll ever find.

With Deep Appreciation

There are a number of people working very hard to create a wonderful celebration for Meagan tomorrow. I am thankful they are in our lives and have been so willing to do this. They are just remarkable.

This "party" (to Meagan's way of thinking) is likely to be quite memorable.

Separately, and in response to a number of inquiries - the boys and I are doing ok. It's still a shock, even though we knew it was coming. As time goes by I realize more and more how intense the situation was over the last couple months (certainly over the last eight since her stroke). With the weight lifted, I can now recall the events and feelings and see how difficult it really was, for her and for us. It was a helluva battle.

I'm also hit by waves of grief and sadness. I was reviewing the program a couple of times several days ago and it includes a photo of her which I provided - so it was not new to me. And yet, just seeing it and reading the words connected to it in the program just made my knees buckle. I have spent many periods of time over the last week in thought and reflection - some happy, some quite sad. All normal I suppose, but new for me.

I have been able to start catching up on some sleep. So I'm starting to feel somewhat human again.

The MacPhee boys all got tattoos the early part of last year. Mine is on my right calf, Casey's is on his right ribs, and Riley's is on his forearm. (We got Meagan a medallion with the image of it to wear on a chain around her neck, which she did). It is of the MacPhee Scottish clan crest and includes a family motto which we came up with. It proved pretty prescient. It is in Latin - "Salus in Arduis", which translates as "a stronghold in difficulty". Our nuclear family really pulled together over this last 18 months to support Meagan through this difficult and, ultimately final journey. Now we are to be tested further as we say goodbye to Meagan with a grand celebration and embark on our new lives without her. We have each other, and we will maintain our stronghold for each other. But most importantly, we recognize we are not doing it alone. Our stronghold is the best one could hope for, because it is not just the three of us with the tattoos, but is constituted by our "created family" of friends and loved ones. We could not be more fortunate.

One tiny bright spot

We've had such a rugged couple years that it is with a great deal of relief, happiness, and appreciation that I'm pleased as punch to announce that our son Casey was just accepted to the University of Washington as a transfer student starting Winter quarter. This is a huge deal for our family and provides him a wonderful platform to continue to grow, surrounded by loving and caring friends and family.

Meagan's Causes

For those that need help in figuring out how to make a contribution in Meagan's name to her favorite causes - here are some links...

University of Washington Libraries - specify Special Collections, Rare Books
https://www.washington.edu/giving/make-a-gift?source_typ=2&source=EJF

Rainier Scholars
https://app.etapestry.com/hosted/RainierScholars/OnlineDonation.html

Swedish Foundation
when you fill in amount, there is a fill in box that you can specify Henry Kaplan Research Fund
https://community.swedish.org/SSLPage.aspx?pid=316

Venue Announcement

I'm so pleased a suitable venue has been found to celebrate Meagan's life. Many thanks to the muses and faeries who have worked hard to line this up and who are planning the program. 

A celebration of the life of Meagan MacPhee will take place this Friday, December 2nd at 6 PM.  

The memorial will be held in the Great Hall at Green Lake located at 7220 Woodlawn Avenue NE, Seattle.

Food and drink to follow.

Carpooling is encouraged.  There are a few small pay lots close by but you may need to park in the neighborhood and walk to the Hall.

No gifts or flowers, please. Donations in Meagan's name may be made to her favorite causes: the University of Washington Special Collections Library, Rainier Scholars, and The Dr. Henry Kaplan Research Fund at the Swedish Hospital Foundation.

Somber attire is not permitted! We encourage you to be colorful!

Final Life Celebration Arrangements Being Made

Hope to announce later today the details of the celebration. Still planning on this Friday December 2nd,  late afternoon here in Seattle. Many thanks to all our friends working on this.

Meagan's Official Obituary - Seattle Times November 27, 2011

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/seattletimes/obituary.aspx?n=meagan-macphee&pid=154756812

Meagan at Decatur Island Farmer's Market

Status Update - Celebration of Meagan's Life

Tentative plans are for her celebration to be a week from today - Friday Dec. 2. Still trying to lock down a venue (difficult during the holiday season). Her obituary will be published this Sunday in the Seattle Times.

Written Tribute

Stacie Foster has offered the following:

Meagan was a woman who cherished words, and I'd like to honor that side of her.   Please send me an e-mail of a memory, a favorite quote or poem or reading, or something else in written tribute to Meagan.  Put your name at the bottom.  I'll print them and make a simple book for Nick and the boys.  Please do this by December 1, and send your emails to : sfoster@invictalaw.com with the subject line "MEAGAN".  Thank you!

With thanks to a dear friend...

Tom Lennon has kindly offered to scan photos and provide technical support for the making of a Meagan Celebration slide show. We are asking our community to share your good/favorite photos of Meagan. 

If you have digital photos, please send them to: 
tom@lennonkeegan.com 

If you have hard copy photos, please send them to: 
Tom Lennon 
712 16th Ave E, Seattle, 98112. 

Label everything so photos can be returned to you. If you have questions or need technical help, you may call Tom at (206) 406-4715. 

Tentative Plan

We are thinking a celebration of Meagan's life around December 3rd. That will give us some time to grieve, to sleep, and to plan. Clearly a lot of sparkles have to be involved in any celebration. The boys and I will be talking about this today and it's important that they are a part of the entire process. But I don't think I am overstepping my bounds by giving everyone a heads-up as we have discussed this a bit. We are also planning on getting out of Dodge directly afterward for a week for a private R&R vacation. It has been a long haul for us, and we are all pretty burned out.

I'll use this blog to close out this final chapter, now that I am an unemployed cabana boy. So stay tuned for announcements and info. Again, my thanks to all for your support.

Thank you

Thank you for all the expressions of love and support. We'd like a day to just chill and the three of us to just be together. We've had so many visitors over the last two weeks since her last hospital stay that we've not had any uninterrupted time. We want to be in the moment and reflect on our beautiful Meagan. So tomorrow, Tuesday the 22nd, we'd appreciate some space. It's a guy thing, needing our cave. Thank you for your understanding.

She died exactly the way she wanted

Surrounded by family, dogs, a warm fire, and Johnny Mathis singing. Very peaceful. She just slipped away. The boys and I were grateful, if profoundly sad, witnesses.

Meagan MacPhee - R.I.P.

January 23, 1961 - November 21, 2011

Probably tonight

Her breathing has changed dramatically. Long periods of silence in between a series of deep breaths. Evidencing end of life symptoms. Likely hours, but mileage may vary.

Restless afternoon

She's been restless and agitated this afternoon, so I've been giving her medications hourly in escalating amounts to find a combo that calms her. Very similar to Saturday night. Hospice nurse visited before noon and walked me through what to expect and how best to comfort her. The human body really fights as long as it can. I think we are doing everything we can - I have good aides and she has had constant attention. It's interesting how, despite her unconscious condition, she will respond to someone talking to her. My amazing sister Molly was talking to her about a variety of things and telling her how she was going to take care of me and the boys and Meagan responded with a little smile.

Sleeping quietly

She was attended to throughout the night by a wonderful aide, Miriam. I have been so fortunate to get just amazing people to help me take care of Meagan through a firm called Andelcare. I am so impressed by the quality of the people as well as their warmth, kindness and caring.

Meagan continues to sleep peacefully. Miriam said she was active at various times, not awake but moving her arms and legs and murmuring. She has her preferences and expresses them - she does not want to lay on her right side.

I was able to sleep for about six hours. I feel amazingly more human-like this morning. An aide, Linda, will be here to help me today.