Thursday, December 1, 2011

With Deep Appreciation

There are a number of people working very hard to create a wonderful celebration for Meagan tomorrow. I am thankful they are in our lives and have been so willing to do this. They are just remarkable.

This "party" (to Meagan's way of thinking) is likely to be quite memorable.

Separately, and in response to a number of inquiries - the boys and I are doing ok. It's still a shock, even though we knew it was coming. As time goes by I realize more and more how intense the situation was over the last couple months (certainly over the last eight since her stroke). With the weight lifted, I can now recall the events and feelings and see how difficult it really was, for her and for us. It was a helluva battle.

I'm also hit by waves of grief and sadness. I was reviewing the program a couple of times several days ago and it includes a photo of her which I provided - so it was not new to me. And yet, just seeing it and reading the words connected to it in the program just made my knees buckle. I have spent many periods of time over the last week in thought and reflection - some happy, some quite sad. All normal I suppose, but new for me.

I have been able to start catching up on some sleep. So I'm starting to feel somewhat human again.

The MacPhee boys all got tattoos the early part of last year. Mine is on my right calf, Casey's is on his right ribs, and Riley's is on his forearm. (We got Meagan a medallion with the image of it to wear on a chain around her neck, which she did). It is of the MacPhee Scottish clan crest and includes a family motto which we came up with. It proved pretty prescient. It is in Latin - "Salus in Arduis", which translates as "a stronghold in difficulty". Our nuclear family really pulled together over this last 18 months to support Meagan through this difficult and, ultimately final journey. Now we are to be tested further as we say goodbye to Meagan with a grand celebration and embark on our new lives without her. We have each other, and we will maintain our stronghold for each other. But most importantly, we recognize we are not doing it alone. Our stronghold is the best one could hope for, because it is not just the three of us with the tattoos, but is constituted by our "created family" of friends and loved ones. We could not be more fortunate.

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